“Mania“
hell, I know I’ve fucked up
a thousand different times
in a million different ways
and that sometimes holding on
is gripping sheets by the fistful
and packing fabric into the hole in your chest
until it reaches your legs, your feet
your arms, your hands
until your body is the escape route for your mind
tell me what thing I did that broke the grace
appointed me at birth
tell me what it was I did so terribly
for this hell to come round
like clockwork, round and round,
a carousel of tricks, ways to die,
ways to try
to not slip through the cracks
every damn time
“A Mercy of Good Things”
Sometimes I wonder,
when a string of unexpectedly good things
settle onto my lap; I wonder if God has chosen
to give me a life full of goodness to take the place
of an eternity meant only for those who have not denied
their father in heaven. I remember asking my dad,
when I was young, and he was still a preacher,
how so many bad people have such wonderful lives,
and he told me sometimes God provides a mercy
to those whose end will be in the pit of fire, and I’m left
to wonder if I broke the last straw and the good
that is happening in my life is a mercy afforded me
by a god who gave up
Lindsey Heatherly is a Pushcart nominated poet and writer from Upstate South Carolina. She works as a pharmacy technician at a psychiatric facility. Writing is her second love, her daughter being her first. Her work can be found in various online and print journals, such as Pithead Chapel, Emerge Journal, Red Fez, SVJ, Versification, Trampset and others.
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